Physician, Heal Thyself

I was sick over the weekend. Not terribly so, but enough that I didn't want to go anywhere or eat anything other than chicken broth and saltines. I'm pretty sure it's a real bug of some sort, though I can't help but wonder if part of it is fueled by depression. Or what to do about it.

I've been toying with the idea for awhile... I've suffered clinical depression a couple times over the years, and taken meds. I told myself then it wasn't meds I needed - my circumstances sucked. But what I found was meds helped me cope and come up with solutions rather than to be immobilized by tears. The times I've been depressed, I've been unable to write.
I've heard that some of the best artists (actors, writers and artists) have mood disorders, depression, bi-polar, etc. Could my depression become a tool rather than a hindrance?

Am I really depressed? How do you know?

Does crying every day mean I'm depressed? Or does it mean I'm just unhappy with my current circumstances? I think part of it is the apparent inability to change the largest reason for my unhappiness. Which, depending on the day, is either mine and Em's conflicting schedules, or the need to work full time at a job I only marginally enjoy, trading my time and energy for money to pay for the obligations of supporting a large family.

I tell myself I want to stay home and write full time.

But when I have time at home with the computer or a notebook, I stare at the blankness, overwhelmed with the desire to write and the lack of any words that want to be written.
I have a to-do list... not imperatives, but ideas I've wanted to pursue.

I want to redesign my writing website, turn it into something that is mine rather than a group effort with a less-than-involved group.
I want to teach myself CSS so I can work on a wider variety of websites.
I want to blog more. (doing that, though, requires facing Patty's death, and sometimes I'd rather be in denial. It's softer)
I want to get back to my stories. To history. To the research I so enjoyed.
I want to start working on a powerpoint presentation - 'just for fun' with my ideal workshop in mind. To learn to make it into a DVD, to collect my thoughts, to start developing the muscles I need if I choose to pursue the persistent dream of teaching workshops.

With all these things in mind, I sit down at the computer and surf a bit, read a few headlines, some Hollywood gossip, and play a few games.

I think I need to attend one of my own workshops.

Will this state of mind be helpful in figuring out what to teach?

Is it laziness?
Avoidance?
Fear?

how would I encourage someone in my state of mind to write for therapy?